come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
