He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
