but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
