That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is it because I queefed?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
