You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
