Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
