I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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