Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
