There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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