Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
