you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
