My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
