the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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