she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
