Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
