I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
