You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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