Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
