The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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