You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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