there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
