Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude i'm inner monologue high
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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