I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
