She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
