Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
