i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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