just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
