I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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