Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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