Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
