i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
