if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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