his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize