So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
