I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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