Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
