I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
