I don't think we should have started that trash fire
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
