he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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