Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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