he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
