I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
