FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
