I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
