i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
