btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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