If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
