Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
