you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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