hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
