The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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