me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
