OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
