how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
