I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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