No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
