His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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