yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize