Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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