Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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