she was so not down for the gang bang
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Still dying that you shit outside
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize