im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
