I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
