I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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