I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
