Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How external is "for external use only"?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
