Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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