I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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