friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So many bounce houses so little time
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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