I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
