I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
