my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They took my balls.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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