After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
