I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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