She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
