I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
