Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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