I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it because I queefed?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
