Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
