Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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