You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
