Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
