So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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