Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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