I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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