i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
