I got chris browned last night
thus making me awesome and them whores
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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