i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
