Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
